I Dunno

It is hard to believe that it has been 3 years since I have written anything. In times past I adored writing and blogging. Too many changes made it more difficult to continue. Now that I have found my way back again, I hope to write regularly. A short update: Ernie and I kick along about the same, Sarah remains with us and we have recently added a Shih tzu to our family. Fargo is not too happy over this. I retired two years ago and love having my life to myself. We purchased a mobile home in a senior park and love it. I stay busy with Red Hat activities and club functions. Of course, winning the lottery wouldn't hurt either!

I'm Baaaaack - Sort Of

I honestly can't believe how long it has been since I've written a blog - on any site. I haven't really blogged enough to get used to this new (to me) site or to develop a following, or to establish a list of places that I visit. I feel like I'm missing a ton of old friendds.

Life goes on. The cancer in Ernies lung has started to grow, slowly, and another hormone has been added to his regimine. On the last doctor visit the doc told him to quit fussing, that the lung cancer wasn't apt to kill him. It has been difficult because I have felt for several years now that Ernie is just sitting around expecting to die at any moment, and I'm not a very contented "sit arounder". Sarah remains with us. She is now going to begin the process of trying to get on disability due to her Chrohns and obesity (over 350). I hope she succeeds for a whol bunch of reasons!

I continue to work full time with adolescent teenage sex offenders. Most of my "boys" are also mildly retarded or developmentally disabled. Makes for a tough mix. I'm off on a few days mental health vacation right now and enjoying every moment of it.

The past two weekends I have spent time making doll clothes for "Liv" dolls. Liv is about the size of Barbie with a smaller chest and larger waist, barely. The most difficult part is the tiny seam allowances and very small room for error. On the other hand, the clothes are appreciated by the granddaughters, at least for now. I imagine that by next year they will have outgrown dolls all together and be more tuned in to boys, friends and the "right" clothes for themselves.

I have two grandchildren now married and a third ready to tie the knot sometime in the next year. I've heard a rumor that my granddaughter in Canada may be making me into a great grandma, although I've been sworm to "not knowing" by her dad until she decides to go public. I believe the hardest part of being the "great" will be to sit back and let the grandparents have the joy with the babies than I had with theirs. I though being a parent was a blast and a gift (most of the time at least), but grandparenting had it all beat to heck.

My back continues to pain me but I am learning to live around the pain. The doc wanted a second surgery, including a vertebrae above the first, then told me that it wouldn't really help the "arthritis" pain. I said I could live with it the way it is thank you, and no more back surgery unless it's a matter of losing control of any body functions if I don't !

Fargo is like his dad and I , fatter than is healthier for him. We swear off feeding him tidbits, then catch each other doing it anyway. One of these days. I hope all is well with anyone who takes the time to read this, and I thank you. Paulette

Delicious Chaos

Christmas is "oficially" past and the New Year is a few days away. My domicile remains inundated with the left overs of a very Merry Christmas. While we couldn't have the "whole" family as we did two years ago, we had a healthy showing and two of the grandkids have stayed behind for a few days of grandma and grandpa time. The Wii I bought early this year has had nearly non-stop useage!

It doesn't seem possible that I haven't blogged for two months or so. I wonder where on earth the time goes. I work, come home, eat, occasionally walk Fargo or exercize for a few minutes and fall into an exhausted stupor until bedtime, only to rise and do it all over again. I guess that is what's called "living", eh?

The grandkids are all getting so big now. Two are married, two in college, three in high school, etc. One of these days I'll be putting a "great" in front of grandma. It seems like only yesterday that we started welcoming them into this world and hardly more than a short time before then that we were welcoming out own babies into the world. Did you believe it when you were young and the "old folk" would talk about how fast time flies? Remember counting the endless days before Christmas, your Birthday or the last day of school? Now, I've barely learned to write '09 and I have to remember to put "10".

Ernie and I continue to muddle along with some good days and some not quite so good ones. My back surgery completely fused on one side and not at all on the other. The doc wants to redo the "failed" side. So far the pain is somewhat less that what drove me to the procedure in the first place and I'm reluctant to "do it again". But, I can't walk for more than ten minutes without having to sit a few to relieve the back pain, I can't stand to cook dinner, but have to runa and take "sit" breaks every few minutes, sciatic pain wakes me at night, sometimes several times a night. I see the doc again in Feb. I'm still not convinced that I want to do it again, so we'll see. Ernie continues to glide along in the same circumstances as have been there for several years now. His lung cancer does not shrink or grow, there is no evidence that his kidney cancer will return and his bladder has been cancer free for almost two years now. On the other hand his type 2 diabetes nearly got out of control and he is using insulin once a day to try to keep his sugar down. He doesn't move around much and worries me that he will become weaker and weaker from lack of using his muscles. Ernie likes to make jokes about the fact that I "poke" him every night. He'll tell the grandkids "if you hearing me screaming, it's just grandma giving me my shot", or he'll ask loudly "will you poke me now". Ah well, at least I can.

During the past year someone at work has lost about 15 pounds because I found them; every one! I am hoping to spend 2010 working towards retirement in 2011. I'm getting tired and finding that I want to spend more time on my own porch, watching the bustle go by. Peace.

Walking Along

Fargo and I have resumed walking several times a week. Wish I had the gumption to make it "every day", but some is better than none. Fargo and I have a good time on our walks. There are several homes along our path where Fargo has met the resident dogs, so he is always on the lookout for a friend. The only difficulty we have had for months was a few days ago when a big black lab stopped for a sniff and I offered him one of Fargo's cookies. Grrr, said Fargo. Ooops, I should have known better. Fargo has become very docile, yesterday we were at "Paco's" house and I let Fargo off leash to play with Paco (dalmation, about 1/20th Fargo's size). A beautiful white cat wanted to play with the ball I was tossing and Fargo didn't growl, or "chase" the cat. He did sort of nose it into the bushes though. It has taken two years of training, but Fargo is really docile with other animals. Now, when those animals are in h is own back yard, all bets are off! He sets up a noisy ruckus in the house, then tears outside and chases whatever it is up onto and then over the fence. "That's MY backyard" he seems to say. Wonder what he'd do if a critter took a liking to the hated pool?

This is a beautiful time of year for walking. It isn't too dark yet about supper time, the sun is setting and the air is pleasantly cool, but not cool enough to need a sweater or jacket. When the time changes it will be a bear - too dark in the morning and dark when I get home from work. I hate this time changing back and forth!!! I pop a prescription pain med about a half hour or so before we walk and do ok. Not pain free and not as far as I'd like to go, but I'm going. I absolutely haven't been able to talk myself into a second back surgery at this point and I can't see that changing for awhile. The relief was great - while it lasted. Blast the one side for not fusing and why does that cause an ongoing problem? Grrrr.

I like Dancing With the Stars, but I can't get myself excited about the contestents this season. Of course, I never once voted for anyone, but I still have always had favorites. Maybe in another couple of weeks?? I love the dancing, the costumes are a bit much (or should I say less) at times, but then I'm old. Shucks, I didn't complain about the topless dancers with the tall headpieces in Las Vegas, so I guess skimply dance costumes should be a piece of cake. But....

Sarah made chicken vegetable soup for supper and the dinner bell just sounded. Peace.

"When You Grow Up or Just Wait 'til Your Older"

When you grow up" or Just wait until you are older"Do you remember when you were a child hearing those phrases or something similar from the adults in your life. I can recall sitting dreamily (or stormily) in my room and contemplating the absolute magical freedom of adulthood. I could stay up as late as I wanted to every night, east dessert before, or even instead of, vegetables. Sleep when I wanted and not have to make my bed. Putting clothes on hangars or in drawers was a collosal waste of time since you were going to wear them soon anyway. Why should my treasures (stuff the adults called it) have to be hidden away on shelves or stashed in the closet. As an adult I could have my precious things whereever I wanted them! The list of perks for adults was endless. At age 5 I started counting the days until "adult" or "grown up" could happen. The adults in my life would meet my demands of "how much longer" with phrases such as "Oh, it will happen soon enough" and "Don't be in such a hurry, enjoy your childhood while you can".

Honestly now, who can enjoy their childhood when everything that seems desireable is being witheld until some unspecified future date? I'd no sooner get nice and dirty from playing, totally absorbed in whatever activity that got me this way than I would be called into the house for something. This of course required that I leave what I'm doing "now", drag myself to the back door (front is for company) and be greeted with shock and "Oh my, you go wash those hands and that face RIGHT NOW". "And, don't you dare touch anything on the way to the bathroom either". I wasn't to leave a muddy mess in the sink either, I would find out later. Boy, once I'm grown up nobody can ever tell me not to get the sink dirty or to wash my hands before I eat.

I can recall my mom waving a cloth coat in front of my face when I was about six, continuing until I was in my teen years. This exercize would occur when I pushed too hard or whined too long for something she "didn't have the money" for. "Do you suppose I'd still be wearing this old coat" she'd say, waving it in my face, "If we had any extra money". I don't know what I thought as a young child, but by the age of 11 or so I can clearly recall thinking "Oh brother, if you REALLY wanted a new coat you'd have one!". But, isn't that the truth that the adults tell us. Than when you are grown up you can have/do what you want. It wasn't until motherhood taught me about sacrifice that I understood the choices she made. On the other hand, I did notice over the years that she had several coats and a fur jacket that she never waved in my face to make her point.

My oldest daughter used to tell me, plaintively at times, "But, I'm acting grown up", so when IS a person an adult. I'd tell her it was when she wasn't "acting" and she would get furious with me. How does one answer that question. I'm 67 and there are times when I am fully adult; some times I even get what I want, without feeling guilty or like someone else has to do without. There are times though that I am totally NOT grown up in my behavior. I stay up until the wee hours playing the WII with my daughter, eat too many sweets, laugh like a lunatic and feel YOUNG. Peace.

Free At Last

Perhaps "free at last" is a little too much entheusiasm for the occasion, but..... I completed traffic school. Last Saturday I sat down at the computer and figured I'd check out a few on line schools. One stated it was "4 less time", so I signed on and did that one. It turns out that Saturday was the last day I had to complete the school so It is a good thing I did it online and had the results sent directly to the court! Today I received an email from the court stating that I was now "free and clear", ie., fine paid, traffic school done on time, etc. Whew. Guess my insurance won't have to go up after all. I don't think I have to take the driving test for my license renewal in 2011 either. When I'm on the freeway now I set the dang cruise control and keep my led foot off of the accelerator.

We had a terrible summer forest fire near here yesterday, in Auburn. Auburn is about 20 miles East and North of us. Anyhow, the fire started outside of a subdivision, jumped (or burned) a fence and roared through the subdivision and onward. Sixty homes were lost. On one street every home but one burned to the ground and on another street all but two homes are gone. Further out into the coutry the destruction continued, taking farm houses, outbuilding and anything else in its way as well. A wedding party had to disband and run for their lives to get out of the way of the fast moving fire. As far as I know to this point , there were no lives lost, although there were a few cases of smoke inhalation and minor burns as people tried to get out. All of the local TV stations carried nothing but fire new from the time it started about 230 yesterday afternoon until mid-morning today. It is now fully contained but not out.

Fargo and I have managed to brave the evening heat and walk two or three times this past week. I keep threatening to dress when I get up at 6 and walk then. Somehow the motivation is there in the evening but not in the morning. I used to walk three miles every morning, at 700 all week and even weekends during the summer. When I visited in Canada during the winter I still donned my boots, heavy coat, cap, gloves and "face" scarf and plodded through the frozen snow for about 45 minutes or so. Now I wonder what ever happened to that motivated person? Someone else has lost a few pounds. I know this for sure because I found them - right around my waist!

My oldest daughter has been diagnosed with a kidney disorder that I think is called "IC". The doc explained it to her a Chrohns of the bladder. The Doc thinks that this may have been (and still is) the source of all of her pain and symptoms for the past 13 or 14 years. I think of the numerous surgeries and procedures she has had to endure in an effort to fix the problem, with each specialist being "sure" that he or she knew what was wrong and could fix it with their specialty surgery. The disorder she has is no picnic and there is no cure, but there are symptom relief medications and diet. These would have been more effective 10+ years ago, but better now than never. The one thing that really made my daughter feel better was to learn that one of the common complaints is that riding in a car for an period of time causes pain and discomfort, probably from the filling bladder and the steady road vibrations. My daughter was afraid that we all thought she was just stressed at traveling, which might have been somewhat true early on, but certainly not the past few years. Wouldn't it be wonderful if we could somehow take our children's pain and carry it for them for awhile? Of course, there are times when I wish the reverse! I'm being summoned to join Ernie and Sarah for "Jeopardy". Peace.

This N That

Ernie and Sarah have Rachael Maddow on right now, after having watched Keith Oberman. I can't agree more with what they are all saying, but I've personally had it "up to here" with all the rhetoric from both sides of the health care issue. Why oh why do we keep electing officials in both parties who take office and become stubborn children? Compromise? The good of all? Strike a bargain? No way!! California has a Democrat majority in State government. It has been this way for many years. It does not have a 2/3 majority though. Any budgets passed in California has to be passed with a 2/3 approval by the State Senate. We have not had an "on time" budget for several years now. For ALL of 2008 the state operated without a budget. This year the State ran out of discretionary funds and for months had State workers taking two and three days off per month, without pay. In effect a 25% wage reduction, without their consent! Of course this did not apply to the legislators themselves, the pay raise or benefits they receive or to their staffs. Is this reasonable? The problem? The Democrats make a budget and the Republicans, en-masse, vote against it. Over and over. The Republicans in the California Senate have not created a budget, offered concrete suggestions, etc, they just in effect have "veto" power. California ranks number 49 or 50 in credit ratings among the 50 US States. How can this be for one of the richest States in the Union ? California is borrowing millions, perhaps trillions of dollars to get through this fiscal year. Even with layoffs, reduced wages, new hirees getting less benefits, massive staff reductions including in prisons, State hospitals, fire departments, police departments and the school system, California will have to borrow to pay its bills. But, NO NEW TAXES and no RETURN to the higher business, property and higher-income taxes that helped keep the gears of government oiled will be approved by the minority party. OK, new topic!!!

I am treating myself to a rare treat this week. I am having a woman come in and clean the front part of the house, dust, vacuum, tidy up. It will be soooo nice to come home to a sparky place, even if it will only last for a few days. Sometimes I think that I sound "house proud", like one of those women who clean and clean and have to have everything put in its place. This is far from the truth. I clean, I live and mess up and when it reaches some "critical point" I clean again. On the clean again binges I am angry at myself for not keeping up better inbetween times. During the inbetween times I can sit and enjoy my surroundings and not "see" the dust accumulate or the pile of "stuff" growing on the coffee table. Not that my home is filthy, it's just a little dusty and cluttered. I remember telling my oldest daughter to clean her room, three of four times, before finally saying "I want the stuff off the floors and dressers and put away". My daughter would give me an incredulous look and say "STUFF, these are my THINGS". Well, I have too many things! How does one get rid of the hand print made with love in Kindergarten. Or the painting that won a prize in 3rd grade, or the cute little knick-knacks that say "worlds best Grandma", or the stuffed animals given for comfort during a difficult time, or the "small" collection of angels that now takes up two full shelves, or the.... well, you know what I mean.

It has been too hot in the evening to take Fargo for a walk and we are both eating too well and exercising too little, so we're getting some extra stomach "muscle" (ha). Perhaps I'll force myself to actually dress at 6am and walk him then, before my coffee and crossword puzzle. I used to religiously walk 3 miles every morning. Ah, the good ole days. Peace.